Fancy restaurant/bar. Very nice looking, too. The food looks great, the drinks are quality, and they have a list of house special drinks. However, the bar is not very large, and standing room is highly limited. We ended up standing at the edge of the waitress station, which was pretty much in the way of everything, so we got shooed off a bit snippily, which is understandable, but still not something to encourage. Rather than be a bother any longer, we gulped and ran.

For a good night out, could be good, but as just a bar, it's too small and too crowded.

Ah. The Cloud Room. I love this place. It's got the most incredible deck outside, 11 floors up. Okay, the view isn't much, because the sides are very high. For the real view, reserve the banquet room, or get a table in there on a busy night when it's broken up into smaller tables. But there's just the open sky all above you, and a few buildings visible, and the hum of the city all around, but muffled. There's splashing fountains in season, and the whole deck is just incredible, really.

The drinks aren't bad either, although since it's a hotel bar, they aren't all that cheap. But really, the attraction here is the location, not the drinks, and the location is very, very hard to beat.

Highly, highly enjoyable in season. From the start of spring to the middle of autumn, on a clear day this is one of the best bars in town. And I'll say that without having been to most of the bars in the city, and I'm willing to bet I'll stick with my opinion throughout the quest.

This is a classy place. Lots of hardwood, lots of attractive staff, a good look, good lighting. It's the sort of place people with disposable income should spend time, and from the level of busy-ness, it seems like they do.

The drinks aren't cheap. In this setting, you shouldn't expect them to be. What you should expect, and won't be disappointed with, is the quality. The gin and tonic at the 727 was the best I've tasted, and my screwdriver was pretty damn tasty, too. Not that you can do much with well drinks, which leads me to wonder what their specialty drinks might be like. If I had the money, I'd definitely go back, but as I don't, I can only recommend it to those with the cash that they do return, early and often.

The bar is nice looking, but we didn't sit there. We sat in the restaurant and had drinks with food. So I can't say much about the bar, except that the back side is really rather private looking, wedged between the bar and the kitchen wall in a dim, mood-setting space that seemed rather overlooked to me.

The drink I had was fine. Nothing special.

I want a bar to say something really bad about, and it's Von's. They proclaim in various pieces of signage to have the best martini in Seattle. Perhaps this is true, but I won't ever find out. Von's sucks ass.

By this I mean, it's a sport's bar, except it has no pool tables, no darts and no TVs. But otherwise the decor is similar, and the feel is much the same. The bartender who helped me was the cheesy sort who comped the girls in front of me, already in possession of their (personally selected) drinks, free shooters of something. And presented them with a grin that said he wanted a non-cash tip. I quote the great Wanda Sykes: "Remember me? I'm the Drink Man. I bought you that drink, now you owe me."

And, for more than five dollars, they serve you up a luscious little well drink made with MONARCH vodka or MCCORMICK'S gin. Not that I have a problem with cheap alcohol. I serve it often at my parties. But, and note this, I don't have the audacity to charge five bucks a pop for the crap. It didn't even have the dignity to be a strong drink.

So what can one say about Von's? I'd like to say it's better than sitting at home staring at a white wall, but I can't. It's not.

I love places like this. Places where different types meet and ignore each other. In this case, the Old Pequliar is a bar that was once, one suspects, home to a regular crowd of working class guys who drank there often, and often in lieu of time with the family. I know the type, since all my various fathers fit into the group, and my mother, working at a bar most of my life, is part of it by default. I like the type, really. They're friendly people, once you belly up to the bar.

Then there's the new young crowd who have moved into Ballard these last five or ten years. Poor, vaguely hip, neither rich nor cool enough for the best spots. But close enough.

The groups don't mix. But neither of them is ready to give up the ghost, and so they both show up. There're not so many of the middle aged guys now, but they're still there in small numbers.

And I love bars like that.

We only stopped in really briefly, and had our drink, and left. Too college for me, unless I'm with my college friends, and I wasn't.

A plus--the waitress flipped Brandon shit about how she didn't expect him to be able to pay. Shows what wearing you Milwaukee Jail shirt will get you. Kind of funny, though.

I think I've said all that needs be said about the experience. But about the bar--it's actually seperate, there's booths, you can order the full Denny's menu, I think there's even a dart board. Sadly, although Denny's is open all night, state liquor laws require the bar to still close at 2 am, and then it sits empty for (I presume) the minimum four hours before once again opening at 6 am.

Type: Irish Pub
Class: Upscale

Fado has an interesting but unassuming storefront down on First Avenue a block up from Pioneer Square. It has various Irish instruments and artifacts in the windows, but they are so dark and blocked up that you would never know what a huge and potentially hoping place lies inside.

The Décor is nice mix of the traditional Irish Pub, an interesting theme for each room, and upscale artifacts that decorate each area. There is a large bar with an attractive bartender. In all, I think that there are about four or five separate rooms, each with a different theme. There is an “old world” kitchen, an Irish pub, a chic dinning area, and then one or two more. This is a great place to go with a large group (say up to about 10) if you grab the right spot. There are a number of large seating areas and the back is great for a group that is willing to mill.

The group of people that were in Fado on a Tuesday night were a mixture of couples, and small groups of early twenties students/Seattle office workers (hard to tell some days.) It was a nice mix of people, but as I have been finding in bars, the best place to meet other people, is sitting at the bar.

The drinks were average, but a little pricey. It seemed like a nice place, and I could imagine just how packed it was on the weekends. It doesn’t have a dance floor of any sort, so I suspect that the only pastimes to engage in while here is drinking and talking to people Depending on whether you a people person or an alcoholic then that might be right up your alley.

I give Fado 3 Martini Glasses out of 5

-w00t

Type: Dance Bar
Class: Chic

You can tell immediately that the Contour takes itself very seriously. It has a large plate glass store front that allows you to see its large swooping bar, the flashing lights from the dance floor in back and the “pretty people.” Outside there is a large bouncer and a guy sitting in front of a cash register. Fortunately for us, it was a Tuesday night at like 10:30 and there was no cover. Of course there was no crowd or either, but that is fine. The frisking was fairly thorough, but as was pointed out in the Long Kiss Goodnight, “a man is usually unwilling to touch another man’s Mr. Willy.” (Misquoted, I’m fairly sure, but you get the idea.” The bouncer did grab Jason’s Leatherman, which annoyed me more than it did him.

The décor inside is very nice. The chic looking furniture, a stylish bar, and some very interesting wall art. There is a bizarre modern art bust or bodies behind the bar, which I found interesting, but Jason did not like. There was also a huge door/gate that I think was made from an enormous mold hanging on the wall. It looked antique and kind of gothic. Anyhow, it was huge and cool looking. In the back they had paper lanterns and a dance floor with Sims style spinning lights. A DJ was up on a tiny stage with not a person on the dance floor or even vaguely looking like they were going to go near.

There were a couple of attractive women at the other end of the bar, but they were talking quietly amongst themselves, must like we were. There was maybe 2 or 3 other people in the place, but I could tell on the weekends that this place would be packed with the type of crowd that needs to be frisked before being let in. The bartender says that they often have mid shelf DJs through, most notably DJ “Who the fuck cares”. Needless to say, he wasn’t much of a house fan. Contour would definitely be a good location to listen to a high end DJ as the venue is small enough that you could really feel the music. There is an added bonus being pressed up against the hotties on the dance floor as there is no where else to go.

Oh, and the drink was fine, if overpriced, but it was still better than Von’s or Murphy’s (and yes, I am going to bash these two places for the next 300 bars cause I hated them so much.)

All in all, a good place if you like house/techno and are willing to put with that crowd. I give in 3 and half Martini Glasses out of 5.

-w00t

Type: Irish Pub
Class: Middle Class

The Owl and Thistle is located down behind Pioneer Square, but that doesn’t stop people from finding it, and a damn lot of people find it often. This is easily one of the most popular Irish Pubs in the city and it is easy to see why. It has a front dining room with a touch of class. It is set aside from the rest of the bar so that you can eat in peace, but still listen to the din of nightlife while you chow.

The bartenders are friendly and mix you a generous pour, but this really is a beer primary place. The back area has seating and a small stage for live music, which there is usually. They almost always have someone playing who I have never heard of, but turn out to be pretty good never the less. If you can get a seat, I recommend that you guard it jealously and only let attractive women, or me come sit with you.

There is also a side pseudo sports area where the rabble can talk and drink without being annoyed by the live music. While the music area is dimly lit for atmosphere, all of that is stripped away over here. The lights are bright, the chairs and tables are cheap, and it reminds of most places when last call is gone and past and they want you to get the fuck out. There is a pool table, 2 dart machines, and I would swear a jukebox, but maybe I am hallucinating.

The crowd is much more male oriented, and there are not many groups of single women coming down here. A women here is probably with a guy, or serving you drinks. If you want a good place to pick women, this is probably not your place.

Anyhow, I liked this place, but my main complaint is that it is located downtown and I despise looking for parking. All that being said though, I give it 3 and half Martini Glasses out of 5.

-w00t

Type: Restaurant
Class: Chic

Parking in front of the Flying Fish turned out to be a happy coincidence. We were originally going to the Cyclops, but since we were parked in front of a place that had a bar open till 2 am, we figured why not. From the outside The Flying Fish is fairly unassuming in appearance. It has a large plate glass front, but it does not really draw your vision inside. It just appears like one of Seattle’s many trendy little places that scattered so readily about the city. Opening the door, the first thing that catches your attention though is the smell, and damn does it smell good. I don’t know what they were cooking, but it had the smell of good food, well spiced, and of high quality.

Walking through the small seating area, we went to the bar. It was high and the chairs were comfortable. The tables are a sleek black with matching china. The effect is very elegant and inviting. It made the trendy part of my heart sing. The bartender, Chris, was extremely friendly and seemed to be keeping himself busy, on a slow Tuesday night around midnight. Now I will say, that despite the unusual time of the week, there were two groups having food, and another having drinks.

The drinks were tall and strong and appropriately priced. A little on the pricey side, but at least you get what you pay for. Looking at the menu, we were salivating. If only the $40 we would have spent on dinner would not be better spent on four more bars. We can’t go spending our money frivolously, now can we.

Chris was the perfect image of a movie bartender. He had something to say on each subject if you looked like you wanted his opinion. He was clean cut, made good drinks, and he was always cleaning something. He has been the first bartender I have seen who looked like he was plucked directly from a Humphrey Bogart film. I want all my bartenders to be like Chris. Well except for the hot female versions of Chris that must exist out there.

The conversation was good, the food looked excellent, the décor was lovely, and the drinks were great. I give 4 Martini Glasses out of 5.

-w00t

Tonight I had my first photography class for my Special Topics: Paris at the Photographic Center Northwest. Now the best part of this class is that there is a two week "field trip" to Paris. There I will have no responsibilities other than to walk around the city and take pictures. That is the absolute best, I have to tell you. I love photography and I plan to turn it into a profession at some point, but until then, I will continue on with my crappy, low performance, high potential job.

The point of this, is that after my class, Jason was, in theory, going out for coffee with a friend of ours, but she never called. Instead, our friend Bridgette was having a birthday party downtown at Fado. It started at 9:00 (when my class got out) so we figured we would go down to it. We knew some of the people here, but after finishing our one drink, we decided to wander around the area and put a couple more under our belts. We had checked our list and new what was around.

Down the block was Contour. This is an upscale techno bar, with a bunch of pizzazz, a small dance floor, and a big Pacific Islander bouncer. He even snagged Jason's Leatherman before letting him in. The bartender was nice, but his commentary on "DJ who the fuck cares" was pretty funny. I guess they have a bunch of mid card DJs come through here and obviously the bartender could care less. Fortunately there was not a real DJ that night so we did not have to worry about the cover.

After that, we went to a restaurant that was already closed and did not appear to have a bar, proper. Thus we crossed it off our list and went down to the Owl and Thistle. Here was had decent drinks and Jason and I both got ogle some cuties. For me, the top-heavy waitress, for him the guy playing pool. It is a nice place, but its main drawback is that it is down town and it gets VERY crowded on weekends.

From there back to Fado to say some hi's and goodbyes. We talked with Danielle for a little while and she was very psyched about the whole idea. I guess she had reviewed almost all of the clubs in Seattle, for a side project of her own. But I guess that idea is mostly dead now.

We decided to hit one more on the way back, and figured it should be the I-Spy since we were first. Now if you know where the I-spy actually is, then you know that it isn’t on first. I got it mixed up with the Cyclops. After we got close, we parked but we noticed we were in front of different bar, and really it doesn't matter which bar we go to at this point. The Flying Fish is a nice place, plus its bar is open till 2 and their menu, while pricey, looked excellent.

The bartender thought our idea was cool and even suggested a bunch of places in West Seattle for us. The funny part was that he suggested the bar where Jason's mom works, first. They bonded immediately. In a side note, I overheard a tidbit of an attractive girl and two guys (I could only see their backs.) But after I caught the phrase, "and you Dave are so nice that you would never do that." (or some other similar clap trap) I knew immediately that she wasn't sleeping with either of them, and never will. By the way ladies, calling me nice is probably the easiest way to piss me off and not speak to you again. Please just refer to me as the eunuch, if you are going to that.

But on a happier note, the place was great and we had a good conversation with the bartender. We stopped at the 24-hour Jack and that was the perfect topper to the evening. It's not good for me, but so be it.

-w00t

I begin to wonder how many Irish bars there are in this city.

But this one is a nice one. Lots of wood, lots of seperate spaces, good lighting. Almost every inch of every wall, and the windows, are taken up with memoribilia, almost all of it Irish in nature, with a few things booze or sports related, but even then, Irish-oriented.

We were there for a birthday drink with my friend Bridgette, who was turning 26. And this was bar 26, so that was a nice coincidence.

I like the place. The drinks were nothing special, but they weren't bad, either. And the dining space, which is dark and empty at night, chairs piled on tables, the shining light of the bar marking out paths on the hardwood floors, was somehow romantic. In that doomed, abandoned way which comes lies close to my heart. But really, it made it seem like there was this bar, and just around the corner, there were these dim rooms where you might perhaps, as unlikely as it would seem, see a couple slow dancing to music only they could hear.

I like that sort of thing, and if only for that little moment of possibility, I liked Fado. But fortunately, there was more to like, as I've said above.

They have live music several nights a week, and on Sundays, they have a couple hours set aside for amatuers, apparently.

A very large man of Pacific Islands origin frisked us going in, and said he was going to keep my mini-Leatherman tool, as its scissors and very short night were apparently too menacing. And I guess it's that sort of place on the weekends. But on this Tuesday, just after Fado, there was nothing to the place. A half-dozen patrons sat at the bar, counting us, while in the dance space at the far side of the club, a DJ spun the tunes for a non-existant dance squad.

Our bartender helpfully explained, in answer to our queries, that there was indeed a weekend cover of five or ten dollars, depending on who they had DJing, although a really big DJ might be more. And that, in reference to an earlier call about who was spinning that night, he had answered, "DJ Who Gives A Fuck?"

I liked our bartender.

The club is pretty. Copper bar, weird nude statuary of partial bodies, a strange but lovely purple faux stained glass window. A very attractive space. On the weekends, it's apparently wall to wall with people.

The drinks were made with crappy alcohol, but a lot of it. Mixers were apparently solely present so that drinks could be called "mixed" because there was very little decrease in alcohol strength.

However, there wasn't much to do, and you couldn't even people watch, since there were just the six of us. So while we lingered over our drinks a moment, after they were gone, we left immediately.

Another Irish bar. But this one is like three bars in one. First, there's the front room, which during the day is the main restaurant portion of the establishment. There's a number of tables, with the best seating (still not great) and a wall of books, all big old monsters. I didn't notice those until leaving, so I thought at first rather poorly of this front room, with its moderate lighting, quiet seating and one table of ladies having cocktails.

The next room featured a very large man checking IDs. He had a name tag on, saying, "Hello, My Name Is
HAN SOLO
PANTS"
because, you see, he was wearing pants like Han Solo, sort of. This room featured the performance space, and indeed, before we left a band which passably approximated a rock band was playing. The bar was also in this room, so we ordered. It was dim in the back room, and I didn't feel like dim, so we moved on to the last room.

It's the dive portion of the place. There's a pool table, and tables with vinyl chairs that are torn, stuffing showing through. There's two electronic dart boards, and one wooden one. There's another bar, but it's closed, and small in any case. And you can see, quite clearly, into the kitchen.

I should note that the pool table was in use, by several very adorable guys. Perhaps this has influenced me positively toward Owl and Thistle, but I got a good feeling about the place.

The drinks were not bad, the whole bar was pretty decent in a low class sort of way, and there were plenty of options for what to do, and in what setting to do it. I liked the place, and I'd go back.

It's a shame to call this place a bar. It's a restaurant, you see, but the bar stays open two hours past dinner, so while we were there, it was a bar. But we just missed dinner time, and so the scent of the kitchen was still thick in the air. And what a scent. The place serves mostly sea food, but this smell wasn't at all fishy. Succulent, savory, a hint spicy, it was perfection on the air.

Our bartender Chris was a great guy. He served us up very tasty wells, got us a full dinner menu even though it was just midnight at we were technically too late (we didn't order, but it all looked good on paper), and when we told him about the quest, he didn't look at us crazy. In fact, he suggested places we should go in West Seattle when we went there. Friendly, helpful, obliging. All the things a good bartender would be in a perfect world, and Flying Fish was seeming pretty perfect.

Just a couple of complaints, and they're small. Speaking of which, the bar. It's tiny. Just an add on to the restaurant, I suspect, so there's just a couple tables and the bar with maybe ten stools. It's not sizable, but it was cozy, and that was good. Second, the food smelled too good. I know, that's a stupid complaint, but when you need to save money as much as we do, it's best to not spend it on probably incredible food that is sadly priced what it's worth.

Other than that, I liked it a lot. It fits well with 727 and the Dahlia Lounge in the classy place list, which is sadly rather short, and not likely to get all that much bigger. But we'll see.

A one bar night. Goofy's is pretty much what the name says. Goofy. I like it though. There's lots of space, which all seems kind of thrown together. There's a couple pool tables, darts, a few video games, fake fires with real heat, pull tabs, karaoke. It's pretty much got everything, in one reasonably sized package.

But for all that, it's kind of goofy, as I said. Thrown together does describe the space, but that's about the only way it could be put together, since they do perhaps a bit much for the space they have. And while there's a few young types, the bar's also home to a definite older crowd, which is a mix I enjoy (see the Old Pequliar, #24) but which only adds to the wacky feel of the place. Then there's the chairs, which are very, very short.

The drinks? Well, they were weak. But for a neighborhood bar, with probably very much regulars, it's no shock that walk ins get weak drinks. That's what I'd expect, and that's what we got.

Still, it was worth the trip if only for the two girls and a guy who couldn't sing Destiny's Child to save their lives.

Notice this isn't in the Rants section, but rather the Nightlife section. That's because, while the idea of the noisy, drunken, cute college type is rather offensive to many, it's a benefit of college friendly bars to me.

These Abercrombie and Fitch wearing boys, loud and full of certainty in their own place in the world, are the best part of college bars. If I were straight, I'm sure I'd say the same about the bouncy co-eds, but I'm not, so I won't say that. Instead, I'll just praise the fact that the shallowness of society has finally caught up with me, so that there are all these image obsessed guys out there, where once there would have just been blah-looking dorks with girls way cuter than they were who wanted nothing more than to find a better boy, but sadly couldn't. Not a problem any more. The "better" boys, better looking at least, are just about everywhere.

So yes, hurray for shallowness as long as it keeps producing cuties for all of us to look at. And isn't that shallow?

Type: Neighborhood Bar
Class: Lower Middle Class

I don’t really know what to say about this place other than the fact that it has character. It has a lot of character. Walking in and turning to look at the bar, you notice two things right off: 1) the Bartenders are definitely locals, and that there are piles of “merchandise” stacked on top of the bar. Now I can only assume that the boom boxes, bobble head dolls, blow dryers, and what not are prizes for bar games that they play there. Because otherwise, I can not imagine what is either stored inside the boxes, or what other possible purpose they could have.

We ordered our drinks, and I quickly got the feeling that this is the type of place where you want to get to know the bartender and fast. My drink was weak, with a capital EAK! I just kept tasting this really bitter kind of horrible taste in my mouth, and I finally figured out that it was the Tonic I was tasting. I don’t normally taste that much straight tonic in my drinks. Anyhow, the point of this, is that there was were many customers greeting the bartender by name and I suspect that if you are regular then you get a real pour, otherwise, you cope.

Goofy’s is also one of those “fun” bars, where they always have something going on for the clientele to do. There was Karokee when we got there, and I could see signs for upcoming events, and drawings and whatnot. There is a pool table in back as well as a couple of video game machines. I suspect that they do a brisk business, but that there is not a lot of variety in the people who come here.

Oh, one other things struck me as interesting. They are a Camel bar, approved bar. You can tell this by the fact that they had a fuckload of camel advertising up. Numerous lit and unlit signs, all advertising various brands of camel cigarettes. We had learned about this from the Camel Death Merchant that we met at the Sit and Spin and how that the Sit and Spin wasn’t Camel Compliant because they didn’t have enough signage up.

Anyhow, Goofy’s all in all wasn’t very good, but if you live close, I wouldn’t necessarily avoid it either. I give it 2 Martini Glasses out of 5.

-w00t

It has been a slow night. There was a weekly gathering of friends over at Jason's house and we hung around until about 11:00. This weekly gathering has been becoming less and less fun as time has progressed. I am so incredibly looking forward to when I don't have to see these particular people every week. It is not that they are bad people, in fact, I like each of them individually, but as a group we do not work well together.

As such, when my frustration level had reached the breaking point, I declared that it was time to hit bar number 30. Checking our list, we drove up 15th and went to Goofys. Jason has been there many times with a friend of ours who is a mixer distributor but we figured it was close and easy to hit.

Goofy's was a typical neighborhood bar. It had neighborhood people, was dripping with advertisements, had no real style to speak of, but it was a place to decompress and gripe about other people, a long standing passtime amongst my friends. If we didn't gripe about each other, I don't what we would talk about.

I will say that Goofy's had these really short chairs next to tables that had much higher benches. I am not a tall guy to begin with, but I felt like a little kid sitting in this low chair while Jason towered over me across the table. Sean was also in a stumpy chair but he was slumping so I didn't feel so short. Thanks Sean.

We thought about hitting another place, but I really wanted to get home and go to bed. I went home, but as usual, I didn't go to bed. I just can't seem to go to bed before 2 AM, I don't know why. Anyhow ...

-w00t

I've passed a milestone. Not a big one, not in the least an important one. But still.

I've heard the strangest bathroom conversation I will ever hear.

I was in the Triangle Tavern, and I'm using the facilities, and the guy at the urinal next to me is making a call. When he finally connects, apparently with a machine or voice mail or something, the following message occurs.

"Fuckin' A, bitch. I'm peeing on the tile floor you laid in the Triangle. It looks like shit. No, it looks fine..."

And he left the bathroom. I don't know where the message went from there. I can only speculate with a vague sense of discomfort, and wonder what the world is coming to.

This is a blue collar joint, no bones about it. It's plain, it's few occupants are older guys who have obviously spent a lot of time working, and the walls are covered with memoriblia of the history of Seattle, labor being a primary focus. The decor is all left over from the Sixties and Seventies, and I think most of the patrons are, as well. The bartender is a guy in his forties wearing bib overalls like he was a train engineer. He brings out coffee to an old guy who wanders in without being asked to bring it. It's that kind of place.

The waitress was very attentive, very friendly. There was very cheap pool at the single table. The drinks didn't suck, and tonight marks the change of drinks, from a screwdriver to a vodka cranberry (Cape Cod).

So what can I say about the Dock? I'd never have gone there, and I'm not likely to ever go back. But for their crowd, I guess it's okay. It's just not, in any way, a place for me.

From outside, this tiny place looks kind of menacing. So menacing our unofficial photographer Kathryn, despite living two blocks away, has never been here. It looks like the kind of dive where you don't get out safe without a lot of tattoos and muscles, or the right kind of bike, or something.

It's not like that at all.

I loved this place. The music was punk-ish, the crowd was mixed, the drinks were decent, and while it's really small inside, they still manage to cram in a pool table. The bartenders were nice and seemed to be just ordinary people, something I like in a bartender.

We met a couple of ladies here, Jennifer and Rachel, and they were very cool to hang with, even if it was only for a few minutes.

And we talked with the bartender, Valerie, who recommened we skip the Red Door as a night time bar, and gave enough reasons to actually compel us to do so. She said she wanted to see us there again, and while she likely won't, cause we've got a lot of bars to hit, I think everyone in the world should descend on this tiny gem and buy many drinks.

Sorry I didn't learn the other YMCA Soccer guy bartender's name. Seems kind of a poor show when we learned so much else.

Anyway, go there. It's great. It's in the obscurest part of Fremont, but still, I loved it. And you will, too.

Type: Neighborhood Bar
Class: Blue Collar

The Fremont Dock is, surprise, surprise, located right near the docks in Fremont. It is a housed in a plain uninteresting building, but the windows are clear and you can see people playing pool and drinking inside. I immediately like the place when I walk in. It is spacious, has two giant TVs on either side of the bar and the bar itself is long and inviting.

Now mind you, the bar is populated by only the saltiest of dogs at this time of night (it is about 11:30PM on a Thursday.) The bar staff seems to be just as “salty” as the clientele is. Now I must admit that I don’t really have anything in common with good hardy blue-collar workers, mostly because by their standards, I have never really worked a day in my life. Physical labor and I don’t really get along. I don’t mind exercise but work, well, that is why I have a good job.

In the back, they have a pool table that costs .75 cents and is free on Sundays from 4PM till close. They also have the tackiest zebra style walls that you have ever seen. It is your stock inside exposed wood look, painted black, and then given white stripes. It is not good, but it is tacky, and I love tack.

The drink was mixed strong, and that is always a plus. The waitress was attentive, if not extremely friendly. We spent a decent amount of time here, waiting for K-dog to get her but down here. I really liked this place, and would probably come back, but only if I made sure to dress in my denim. I give it 3 Martini Glasses out of 5.

-w00t

$5 dollar wells. This is what counts in my world as a warning. And when the well is made with mostly mixer, I like it even less.

That was the Triangle. Weak drinks for a high price. What more could be said?

Well, plenty. They had a DJ working his craft, and he was decent, although sadly I have no idea who he was. The crowd was very guy-heavy, which should work for me, but unfortunately they were not at all attractive. I could have been much more pleased with a bunch of cute girls. In fact, I was, at the Wild Rose. Go there, and skip the Triangle.

But perhaps I'm too hard on them. Weak drinks and blah crowd aside, I'm told they're so packed on the weekends you can't get a table, and the bar is hard to reach. Oh, wait, those aren't really selling points, either.

So would I recommend it? No. But if you're in the area, and all the other bars in the neighborhood seem to far, maybe you should stop in. The seating, if you can get it on whatever night you come in, is okay. So that's something.

Oh, and I did hear the oddest conversation ever in the men's room.

I love my friend Kathryn. Really, I do. She's crazy in a pretty good way, overall, and she tells the wackiest stories.

But she cannot, apparently, be ready.

We called her twenty minutes before our arrival at the appointed bar (the Fremont Dock) which was located mere blocks from her house. Two blocks, really. And we expected to meet her there at or a bit later than the time we arrived.

Instead, we had to call her when we arrived, and she didn't get there until we were done with our drinks. And then, she forgot the batteries to her camera, which she was supposed to be using to take pictures of us in our three bar crawl of that night.

Which all means that this night's rant is this: Twenty minutes should be enough. Be ready. Don't be a girl.

Much love to K Dogg. You know I don't mean a thing by it.

Why don't you bitches make some? I know there's a few of you reading this site. Tell us we suck, at the very least. But please, use more flowery terms to do so.

Without input, we'll never get better. With input, we'll still never get better, but at least you'll have something more to complain about, and we're all about keeping the (dozen or so) readers happy.

Did I mention you can also send us email? I'm at Jason@570bars.com, while Brandon is (tough guess) Brandon@570bars.com. We'll respond, really we will. We live for shit like that.

Type: Neighborhood Bar
Class: Middle Class

The Pacific Inn is one of those rare finds which is why we started this quest. K-dawg has walked past this place a million times and has always been afraid to go in. Now I will admit that it looks like a total dive from the outside, and I would never willingly choose to go in here, rather than wandering over to Fremont to go to someplace, “nice.” Walking in we immediately knew that all of our preconceptions were wrong.

On the jukebox, there was punk playing (I’m not sure who), but it was classic and it was good. There were several attractive women sitting at the bar and the bartender was doing tricks with matches trying to impress them. There are several four-person booths along the left side when you walk in and a small seating area and pool table in the back. It is a very friendly place to sit and the bartenders are happy to make small talk as long as they are not burning themselves.

I ended up sitting next to a girl and we made some small talk. She mentioned that she was a bartender by trade, but couldn’t find a steady gig up here. She told me about a Nuts and Berrys which is Chamborg on the bottom, Kahlua, Vodka, and tonic, not mixed. Then you drink it quick with a big straw and it hammers you fast. She also mentioned that a Slippery Nipple is actually made with some foul anise flavored liquor (I can’t think of its name) and not Buttershots at all. Maybe Jennifer will post the answer to this question, and also what the Buttershots/Bailey’s drink is actually called.

We met Jennifer, the girl I was talking to, Valerie, the other bartender, and Rachel (briefly) Jennifer’s friend. Before we headed out, Jennifer mentioned that she works at Hoyt's on Saturday. So Hoyt's on Saturday it is.

The drink was good and priced at $3.50. Oh we finally found a place where they charged extra for fruit juice rather than extra for tonic. I think it had something to do with the fact that when the bartender ran out of Cranberry juice, he refilled the server bottle from a giant family size bottle of Ocean Spray. Well at least they use quality.

Now I should say, that there is nothing really here but some good drinks, a cozy atmosphere, friendly people, and great music. But for some reason it just felt like enough.

I very much want to go back to this place, but it will be a while before we are allowed. I give this place 4 and half Martini Glasses out of 5.

-w00t

Type: Night Spot
Class: Trendy

The Triangle really wants to be a great trendy place. It has a cool sign, attracts young pretty people, has an in house DJ (at least they did on Thursday, when we were there), is decorated in dark reds and blacks and has a giant lit up Prescriptions sign.

Now I will admit, that it has the right feel. It feels trendy and it even attracts young, trendy people. But that is no excuse for serving crappy overpriced drinks. You know my one cardinal rule, and they broke it. The drinks for $5 a piece and they were weak. Weak like a little girl trying to lift up one of those giant pixie sticks. Now this drink was not Murphy’s weak, or Von’s crappy, but it wasn’t anywhere near being $5 good.

So I will make this review short by saying the following: This is a great place to go to meet young trendy people and stare at hotties who won’t talk to you because they are young and trendy. I do recommend however that you drink liberally in your car before you walk through the door, nurse the drink you buy, and you better be damn sure that the girl that you are buying that drink for is actually interested in talking to you and not just trying to get out of buying her own $5 drinks. Oh, and you probably shouldn’t let her name her alcohol, as I suspect that will push you up to $6.50.

I give the Triangle 3 Martini Glasses out of 5 as long as you go drunk.

-w00t

It is Thursday night at 11:00 by the time Jason and I make it out the door to head into Fremont. Jason has already called K-dawg, who will be accompanying us on outing tonight. We are going to hit places that near that are near her house as she is walker with no real transportation. We schedule to meet her at the Fremont Dock cause it so close to her house. Now, despite the fact that we called her 20 minutes earlier, we get to the bar and order a drink and still no K-dawg. Calling her again, she didn’t realize what time it was, and by the time she arrives, we have already finished our drinks.

Now one of the main reasons K-dawg was coming out, was so that we could have some pictures of us out. But as seems to be typical of the evening so far, K-dawg forgets the batteries in the charger. Lovely. So we trudge the two and half blocks back to her house (I know, how painful) and grab the batteries. From there we went to a nearby bar that K-dawg has always been “afraid” to go into. Now I have to admit it does not look very savory from the outside, but c’mon how rough can a place be? I am told that I am a naive suburban kid, and I suspect that they are right.

Inside we sat at the bar, listened to punk music, and made conversation. I started talking with a girl name Jennifer. We talked booze, and bartending, and a little about our quest. We chatted with the bartender, and Valerie (the other bartender) described some unusual drinks for us. The guy bartender thought he was being all slick trying to slip another beer to Jennifer without her noticing and he got a cigarette to the arm for his troubles. Jennifer’s friend Rachel was quiet the whole time and just kept to herself.

The best part though was when we started talking about where we going next on our quest. Valerie and K-dawg were debating the merits of the bars around here and I mentioned the Red Door. Valerie then came out with the best line of the night, “The Red Door is like a family style bar. What the fuck is up with that!” Needless to say, she recommended us away from there at night. Instead we decided on the Triangle.

Now the Triangle must get by on its reputation, cause it sure as hell isn’t getting by on its drinks. They had a live DJ and he was pretty good. I liked the atmosphere, and on a weekend the place is hoping, but I really recommend that you stick to the beer. It is less of a rip off, plus you may get to hear an interesting phone conversation in the bathroom.

Then we were off.

-wOOt

Type: Night Spot
Class: Young

Up on Capitol Hill is Linda’s Tavern. This is a regular looking night spot both inside and out. It is a good place to sit around and have a drink while talking to your friends. There are a number of attractive women who come here, but this is really a sit around and talk to your own friends kind of place. There is not a lot of room to mill about and just make your way over to someone without looking like you are heading right for them.

The drinks are average, and priced about right. The bartender was very cute, and I very much liked her accent. I think it was Eastern European or possibly Baltic, but it was definitely sexy.

We sat on the porch in the back and that was actually really nice. They have greatly improved their porch area since last time I was there. They have now covered most of it, and installed heat lamps. The night wasn’t that cool to begin with, but I was out there without my jacket on, in a short sleeve shirt and it was perfectly comfortable.

I believe they have a jukebox, but I didn’t really notice the music as we were outside. Oh, I do have one major complaint about the place. The bathroom situation leaves much to be desired. The two bathrooms are located in a very small hallway that connects the porch to the bar, and if there is more than 2 people in a bathroom, the rest spill over into the hallway and clog it up. The bathroom itself is not well maintained, and if I remember correctly, the door to the toilet has been taken off the hinges. Now I don’t want to be stereotypical, but I wonder if that has something to do with them being located on Capitol Hill.

I give Linda's 3 Martini Glasses out of 5.

-w00t

Type: Restaurant
Class: Middle Class

Bill’s is really more of an Italian pizza place with a bar. I have eaten there before, but not in a long while, and as I recall it was really good. Inside there is not really any décor worth mentioning. It looks like your stock home town Italian restaurant where the lighting is vaguely dim and the tables are functional. The furniture is a little nicer than that, but it is still more utilitarian than attractive.

Our waitress was very nice and had the most interesting sequin hearts stuck to her face – 3 in a V on each side. She had fading pink hair put back into wings?, maybe pig tails, no I would remember pig tails. I also noticed at the table next to ours the mostly interesting group of 3 people. There were 2 guys and a girl and they each had a very distinctive look. Guy One: Bright Light Blue hair, all gelled and messy, leather and spikes punker look. Guy Two: Shave head, Maori style tattoos in strip like a Mohawk on his head, dressed in the sweatshirt punker look. Woman: Dark Maroon Hair (Stylish), tight sexy leather, trendy little jacket, but while she looked good, she also looked like she may have been part of the original punk movement in the early 80s, but still looks good.

Anyhow, we couldn’t get food because 1 AM had snuck up on us and our drinks were fine. I recommend this place for food, much more so than for drinks. I give it 2 and half Martini Glasses out of 5 as we are rating bars here, and not restaurants.

-w00t

Hello all!

My name is Sean and I'm the "webmaster" for 570bars.com. First off, I just want to thank all of you for visiting this site. What Brandon & Jason are doing is crazy...yes. But you can't help but become interested in their "quest". It makes for good entertainment.

And because of this, I'm trying hard to make this website suit the needs of these two and the readers that come and visit the site. This site is still in it's infancy and you are watching it grow. Help it grow even more buy giving us some input on how you we're doing. On what we can do better.

Over the next few weeks, you'll see more Updates from me. Letting you readers know what's is going on with the site and new things that are coming around the corner. And if you are visiting 570bars.com in the dead of night and it looks a bit different for the last time you visited, don't worry to much. That's just me, tweaking with the site, trying to make it better.

Friday night Jason and I were to meet up with Chris and Holly at the Bad Juju Lounge and meet up we did. Unfortunately, Holly forgot her ID at Chris’ house so we had to walk the 8 blocks (ish) back to his house. It was a nice night for it, so I didn’t mind. That and Bad Juju was extremely crowded on a Friday night at 11:00, big surprise.

After collecting Holly’s ID, we headed back to Linda’s, since that is near where Jason and I were parked and Linda’s has a porch, which would allow to take full advantage of the nice night. As we were walking we talked about all sorts of things, most of which aren’t that interesting, but they pass the time. Strangely it was primarily Holly and I, and Jason and Chris, as conversational pairs. I like Chris, but I never really have anything to say to him. He’s not the most talkative guy, unless of course your Jason, and then you two would get along like fiends.

At Linda’s there was some chair swapping so that Holly and I could share an ashtray without getting smoke in their faces. I really should stop smoking again, but I suspect that this quest is the death of that idea. I’m not sure that I have the willpower to stop smoking while I am drinking so often. It just seems like a lost cause as booze has always been the downfall of my smoking cessation. Conversation turned to what Chris is doing now that he is back from Montana and other related topics.

From there we went to Bill’s off Broadway for some garlic cheese bread. We did not realize how late it was though and the kitchen was closed by the time we got there. Last call was then about five minutes later. Strangely this is the first bar that we have closed out since our quest started. This strikes me as a little strange. But so be it.

All in all, there was a lot of good conversation, and it felt like a very adult night out. You know, I’m not sure how I feel about that.

-wOOt

In the last two weeks we have been to 35 bars on just about every day of the week (except for Sunday night, cause even we need to rest sometime.) I have noticed something very interesting, and that is the character of the places on weeknights vs. weekends.

For myself, I can definitely say, that I have liked the general feel of a place on weeknight way more than I have on a weekend. During the week, these places have a much friendlier crowd of people, are not crowded to the point of insanity and allow you to get a much better feel for the place, the clientele, and the staff. On a weeknight we able to casually stroll in, have a conversation with the bartender, strike up a few unguarded words with the other patrons and generally have a nice drink and get to know a place.

On the weekend though, it is a totally different situation. The bars are usually crowded to the point of bursting, the staff is too busy to talk to you (unless it is still early), and the other patrons all have that either wary or predatorial look in their eye. You can always tell who the scoping guys are (I am usually one) and who the wary women are. I can definitely say, that guys, you are going to have a lot more luck picking up women in a bar on a weeknight than on a weekend, unless you are a total dawg, or she is looking for some action and you are cute or close.

I am finding that each of these bars has something to offer you, you just have to know what you are looking for and then target the right place. This is also heavily modified by when you go, and that is the whole point of this little mention. If you are looking to meet people on a more personal level, find the place that has your crowd and then go on a weeknight. If you are looking for a hard pumping bar scene, find your crowd and go on a weekend.

-w00t

Type: NightClub
Class: Trendy

Polly Ester’s is Seattle’s best place to go and dance to the 70’s and 80’s. It is actually quiet a great spot. That is if you do what we do. Get there before 9:00 PM on a Saturday (or whenever) when the place is mostly empty and you don’t have to pay a cover. Then drink their happy hour specials until 11:00. Make sure you find out what they are, and don’t let them trick you into ordering a top shelf drink when you want a $3 well. Dance to your hearts content, and then leave by about 11:00 when the dance floor gets so packed that you do not even get your own square, but rather have to share it with 2 other people (and this is not usually a good thing.) If you manage to flirt/pick up on a little cutie then by all means stay, otherwise leave and go to somewhere else to finish off your night in a place where you won’t be packed in like sardines.

The décor in here is split down the middle. On the 70’s side (Polly Ester’s) there are pictures of Pam Grier, Eric Estrada, a giant Twister Board, a stick your head through Brady’s Bunch wall, and generally garish colors (yellow, orange, red etc …) It has a very 70’s feel with its multi-colored light up floor and drinks with names like the Dukes of Hazard. On the 80’s side (Culture Club) there are pictures of Adam Ant, Billy Idol, a dancing cage, darker colors (blues, purples, and blacks), a large MTV symbol, and a smaller dance floor that flashes with purple strips of color. On Saturday Nights they do a live broadcast on 96.5 the Point (free plug bitches - so give me some money) which is actually a really good station. The station identifications within the club are a little annoying, but you just tune them out.

Now because you have taken the time to read this, I am going to let you in a little secret. On the second floor, in the back of Culture Club, by the stairs is a back room called the Red Room. It has couches, chairs, 2 wide screen TVs (which often play bad 80s movies) and usually its own bartender. This is a great place to sit and chill and make you moves on the women. Most people never seem to come back here because it is separated from the main hubbub, but trust me, it is a great place to spend 5 minutes or an hour two. It is like your own little refuge within Polly Ester’s.

I do have to say, that the old movies they play kind of crack me up, but for god sakes, why does Grease have to playing in the 70s rooms EVERY TIME I GO. I mean sheesh, wasn’t Grease II good enough to get some play. You know I’m kidding, right?

The drinks here are about average for most mainstream clubs I have been to, but I usually leave feeling a buzz, even if my pockets are much lighter. I really recommend that pre-funk in the car outside (about 2 or 3 shots worth) but make sure the bouncer can’t smell it. Oh, also, leave your Leatherman at home as they frisk at this place too.

All in all I give Polly Ester’s 3 and a Half Martini Glasses out of 5. It is not a bad place, as long as you know how to make it your bitch and then get out before the mobs overwhelm you.

-wOOt

Type: Neighborhood Bar
Class: Mid-Scale

Hoyt’s Pub is a nice place up on Queen Anne to go and get a drink with some friends and just generally hang out. The entire place is split into 3 main areas within one large room. The front portion is mainly a dining area with some cozy booths. The middle portion is made up of freestanding tables and is good for large groups that want to come and hang out. The back portion is smaller booths and a couple of tables for small groups (we managed 5, but it was tight) for casual conversation. The décor is all dark wood and it is well lit. This would be an excellent place for a first drink as it is friendly looking and does not have lingering uneasiness about it.

Their drinks are very good and reasonably priced (about $4.50). We also had a plate of onion rings that were beer battered and made with large whole onion slices. Most of the food we wanted at 11:00 on a Saturday night was out (like the Jalapeno Poppers) but that is not all that unusual, considering that they were doing a very brisk business that night.

I give Hoyt’s 3 Martini Glasses out of 5. It is a nice place, but there is little remarkable about it. I do however want to give big ups to Jennifer who was waitressing (you might remember her from our visit to the Pacific Inn) there that night.

-wOOt

Type: Restaurant
Class: Mid-Scale

I unfortunately have very little to say about this place. We went in there at about 11:45 on a Saturday night and it was almost completely deserted. It is primarily a restaurant so I can understand that it lacked any sort of nightlife feel. The décor was based on a high end Route 66 theme with a kind of underlying automotive feel, but really there was nothing about its look that caught my eye or repulsed me. I can say that it had a huge open kitchen and I can imagine that when the place is hoping it is a lot of fun to watch the chef’s work. There was one thing that I really liked about it. Way in the back, there is a door that leads outside to a tiny porch with a park bench on it that would be great for just two. Unfortunately, if there were anyone in the seating area in back, you would be kind of conspicuous.

The drinks were fine and priced at about $4. I give it 2 Martini Glasses out of 5.

-wOOt

Type: NightSpot
Class: Upscale

Walking into the Paragon I was immediately greeted by a live band which was playing fairly decent bar jazz. You know the type, 3 or 4 guys who get together on weekends to jam at a local bar who have fun together but will never make it big. The décor is nice with dark wooden booths, a very long bar with strange little metal sculptures which each hold something useful, but different (like cups of olives, or whatnot.) Running down the middle of the place is a large bar that separates that the “mingling” bar flies from the tables and booths running down the north side of the bar. In the back is a spacious seating area with large booths and a number of tables. This is definitely the dining area and very much feels like it is cut off from the rest of the bar. Well, except for the fact that people headed to the bathroom have to cut right through the middle of this area.

There was a fairly good crowd and it was generally a more well to do, attractive looking crowd. There were a number of older couples, but mostly it is not a bad little nightspot. That was until I got my drink. We paid $5 for the drink and my G&T was just down right weak. I would comment on the quality of the gin if I were able to taste it. I am told that they have good martinis but that does not help me hear. Wolf, who got a shot, congratulated himself for his cleverness after tasting both my G&T and Ryan’s Long Island, which apparently was both weak and made from a mix. This is never a good sign.

On the plus side, there was a very attractive bartender dressed all in black and she had some mad cleavage. Props to Sean for making sure I went up to the bar to look check her out. She really was the high point of this bar.

On the down side, while the band played pretty good bar jazz, they should not be allowed to do covers. They covered Mustang Sally and I nearly wanted to gauge out my own ears with a dull spoon. I suppose the song was over before I would have been able to do it, but not by much.

All that being said, it was not a bad little place, but there are better ways to spend your $5 a drink. I give it 2 and Half Martini Glasses out of 5.

-wOOt

Type: Restaurant (Family Bar)
Class: Mid-Scale

When we at the Pacific Inn, they warned us away from the Red Door because, and I quote, “They are a family bar. What the fuck is with that.” Valerie’s assessment is an accurate one. We went there for Sunday lunch and our standard one drink on Sunday for even we must rest. The Red Door is a large, fairly uninteresting space that has a lot of standing room, numerous tables, and some of the highest ceilings you have ever seen. The space is well lit by large bay windows around the entire outside during the day and by large floodlights at night.

I will say that the food was excellent, but as I have said before, I don’t rate on the food, and this is not called 570Restaurants.com. Jason ordered a Bloody Mary and I got a Mamosa. We realized that the drink didn’t “count” but since we have the only one person must drink spirits rule, we were safe from having to order a second VERY OVERPRICED drink. Jason’s Bloody Mary came in a tall glass and seemed to have a lot of liquid (the glass was shaped like a thin sundae glass). This is a good thing, I think, since it was $6.50 and it wasn’t very good. It didn’t have enough flavor, enough spice, or enough sweet, to give it any distinguishing flavor at all. Then there was my Mamosa. I don’t really know what to say about this other than the fact that half a glass of champagne and half a glass of orange juice also cost me $6.50. God dammit people, but would you get a grip on yourselves. Now I suspect that they were using $6 a glass champagne and not Totts or Ballatore Spumanti may have something to do with it, but shit man.

As far as being a bar (I have been there at night as well), I can honestly say that if you want to go out to a bar and you want to bring your kids, then this is the bar for you. But if you are like me, then you rate this bar 1 and half Martini Glasses out of 5.

-wOOt

Tonight my Sprockets we dance! Off to Polly Ester’s it is. I have been here a bunch of times before and I almost always enjoy myself. That is if I am able to not dwell on the fact that I lack the courage to flirt with women properly and always end up chickening out in the end. We get there before 9:00 so there is no cover and immediately head upstairs to the bar. Leaning on the rail we look down on the dance floor and there is single Goth styled woman dancing. It is about this time that Wolf joins us. Sean had mentioned that Wolf might be showing up, but I forgot to confirm with him, so this was a pleasant surprise.

Watching a lone woman on the dance floor always feels a bit naughty to me. She was dressed to impress in a black leather bustierre, leather skirt, and large black leather boots. Always a great look. I suspected that she was a refugee from the Mercury, but I hadn’t seen her at the Merc before, so it is hard for me to say. Anyway, she became the designated eye candy for the night. Someone who was out of reach, but nice to look at, that way I don’t have to face any sort of actual rejection.

Now there were a couple interesting things I noticed that night. My first and favorite (cause there were two of them and they did not know each other) were the hot girls who dance slowly no matter what music is playing. My favorite was a Russian looking girl who was dancing for herself in front of the mirror. She had the hip movements that made me want to be a sugar daddy, but it still struck me as funny (but not as funny as that link - trust me). Then there were guys who were dancing alone with a drink. I tried it briefly, but the danger of flinging ice while I flail my arms was just too much. Finally there was the couple with no rhythm and no respect for the others on the dance floor. Now, when I say that they were not small people, I am being generous. But in this case, it was not their weight, which was the problem, but rather it was what made them dangerous. The guy would spin his girl … poorly … and she would proceed to hip check me (six times), smack Jason in face with her elbow, and generally piss off the people around them. So remember kids, if you’re going to dance like idiots on the dance floor, do it with some grace, or don’t surprised when I elbow you in the ribs.

We eventually left the club, after I fully failed to talk to any women, even one who I had the perfect opportunity and utterly blew it. I hate being me sometimes, cause I can talk to any woman who I have no interest or no hope in wooing. But put her in my attainable range and I seize up like an epileptic kid watching Pokemon.

From there it was off to Queen Anne Hill for drinks. Chris and Vince were to meet us up there, but it turns out that they bitched out because of some food related trauma. I’m unclear. We did meet up with Ryan and Dave. I’ve always been wary of Dave, but he was exceptionally well behaved and funny this night.

At Hoyt’s I saw Jennifer again. She seemed friendly, but despite having my card, I haven’t heard anything from her and she seemed all gung ho about going out for drinks with us. *shrugs*

We cruised the other places on our list and had some pleasant conversation, busted on each other mercilessly, and then finally wrapped it up and went home. Knowing that we were losing an hour of sleep, some of the group needed to go home and get some sleep before church. Fortunately, I am a godless prick who cares not for the trappings of those Jesus based religions and could freely sleep in till noon.

-wOOt

Today I was woken up by Jason, who called to remind me that we were having lunch at the Red Door. I remember, but nobody ever seems to believe me. Rolling out of bed, I dress, wet my hair, throw on some clothes and drive over to pick Jason up. Then we swing back around to Fremont for lunch with Wolf and Our Man Jeff. As you will see, Jeff is ‘da man.’

Lunch was nice, except the reaming we took over the price of the drinks. It’s a good thing the food was excellent and well priced cause otherwise I would have really noticed the lingering pain brought on by the $6.50 Mimosa. That is just ridiculous and shows me that I should always just order a well drink.

After Lunch we headed out to do some errands, then to play a quick board game, then to Allen’s barbecue where I met three lovely ladies. I especially liked Mo (a tall cute Co-ed). We bonded over Amelie and disagreed over Requiem for a Dream. I still say that if you want Requiem, that as soon as the word WINTER appears on the screen, that is your cure to turn off the movie and pretend that all live happily ever after. Trust me. Anyhow, Mo claimed that she wants to go out drinking with us, but I gave her my card and I haven’t heard anything yet. So we’ll see if we hear from her or her friends.

After the barbecue we went back to Wolf’s house and played Tigris and Euphrates. That was a hell of a game and I can’t believe that I pulled a victory out of my backside, but I managed it. Phew.

-wOOt

They have a nice courtyard seating area that was both covered with retractable screens, and heated. This was nice, cause the inside of this hipster joint was totally packed, and we had to sit outside. Without the heaters, it would have been unbearable. With the heat, it was great. Sadly, I ended up paying very little attention to the locale, as I was with my friends Chris and Holly, and we had great conversation.

The drink I had was okay, and the Fat Tire beer that followed was certainly good. The place has a sort of divey charm, and it's an establishment, so what can one say? I've been there before, I'll drift back again.

I understand it's normally a restaurant, but it stays open past food time, so we had to go there. And we just missed food, cause the next table was eating pizza, but we couldn't get any. In any case, it pretty much looks like a restaurant that serves booze, rather than having anything like a bar feel. Good conversation continuing from Linda's, there was once again little that I noted. But, since it's a restaurant first, I don't think there was much to notice.

Bill's was mainly notable for being the first bar we've actually closed out since we started this quest. Otherwise, we're pretty much too fast and get out too quick. The cry of "Last Call for Alcohol," is one I really like, so Bill's is a bit special to me, as the first of the quest. Other than that, it was nothing special, good or bad.

The first of a run of four for the night, Poly Ester's (and the Culture Club) was the first active dance place we've been to, as Contour had no dancing going on.

I'll start by saying I like to dance. And I like the 80's. And Culture Club is an 80's dance club. So I like the place. There's no cover before nine, and there are $3 wells until 11, which isn't the greatest, but it's a bargain of sorts. Sadly, Poly Ester's would mark the last bar of the mystery fun money we had, and so the end of our run of bars that seemed, for all intents and purposes, free, a run that started with #18, the Wildrose.

We drank and watched the middle aged dancers. I mean that, too. If you've never been, both sides of the club start out with a lot of people in their late 30s, 40s, even 50s. A few of them stay all night, but the crowd does get younger as time goes on. And at first, there's usually just a few older dancers, and a couple of younger women who, as always, are the first to brave the dancefloor. But as the crowd increases, and as the numbing effects of alcohol convince everyone they can indeed dance, the dance floor fills up, and most of the older dancers depart.

However, some people still shouldn't dance. I refer to the larger couple who danced next to me, taking up excess space by sheer virtue of being big people, and then taking up even more by lame attempts at ball room dancing. I wouldn't complain so much except that I ended up getting decked on the nose by the whirling fat woman, and later headbutted by her when her fat husband dipped her.

Eventually, they left. For which I'm very happy.

But also eventually, the dance floor fills up, and there's very little room. We also had more bars to go to. So Brandon and I, and my brother Wolf who had joined us mere moments after arrival, departed.

I should note the drinks are of average strength, like at most heavily-trafficed clubs, and of ordinary size. Everything comes in plastic, which seems a little cheap, but then you realize how very many people there are in the place, and what a pain glass would be, and you get over it.

I like Poly Ester's/Culture Club. You should go there.

We came to Hoyt's for a repeat visit of Jennifer, one of the women we met at the Pacific Inn. She worked at Hoyt's on Saturdays as a bartender. However, the place was very packed, and we were supposed to be met up with by at least 2 and as many as 5 other people. Which was potential trouble. Still, we just snagged a both, and decided to worry about it if the moment came.

Jennifer is a dear woman, but she's not meant to be serving as a waitress, which was the role she had been pushed into. The drinks were good, but she ended up bringing us two drinks wrong. Sadly, the bar menu was also lacking in many of the items listed, as they were out for the night. A good sign, being out, cause it tends to mean the items are pretty much fresh, but sad for us, because we couldn't get the things we wanted. Still, the onion rings were good. The drinks were also fine.

Partway through, we were joined by Dave and Ryan, who claimed that Sean P. was coming as well. This is not the Sean previously mentioned, the web guy, but rather, another Sean entirely. However, Sean had still not arrived when we finished our drinks and rings, and so we moved on.

Jennifer, if you read this, I hope it's not as crazy next week. We'll probably be back at some point, after the quest is done.

Hoyt's is a very nice looking place, but then, it's on Queen Anne Hill, and the bars there tend to be nicer. The food looked good, too, what I saw at the other tables, and the drinks were reasonably priced.

Just across the street from Hoyt's, the 5-Spot is a bit of a dive. Nothing wrong with that. But it wasn't very busy, seemed in fact rather dead, although the restaurant was closed, and the bar was soon to close. Still, the five of us sat and had a quick drink, and were joined finally by Sean P. The drink was okay, nothing remarkable, and the place didn't make much of an impression. Of course, I can't say whether that's fair, as by this time there were six of us, and we were in a bit of a hurry to make one more bar. Still, a lot of people had told me to got the 5-Spot, and I didn't think it was really worthy of so much commentary.

Very packed.

Blues music.

A table for four, serving for six.

The bar was very crowded, but the staff were quick, and some were quite cute.

The crowd was lively.

Across the aisle, two women and a man, all within a few years of forty, playing quarters. A woman sinks two in a row, then the other woman two in a row. They're not playing for drinks.

The blues band switches to covers. "Mustang Sally" while never my favorite song convinces me I've entered the outer circle of hell. And then mercifully back to blues, after three covers.

People kissing at the bar. And man and woman making out over the divider that seperated our table from the bar area, going at it for fully thirty seconds.

It's that kind of place.

I kind of liked it.

The drinks were weak, weak, weak. Not as weak as Murphy's, and not as bad as Von's or Goofy's, but weak all the same. And not cheap. But a better location will tell, and I think I feel pretty good about Paragon.

Valerie at the Pacific Inn (see how much we mention people we like) said, "Fuck the Red Door. Fucking family-style bar. Fuck them." And so we didn't go here on Thursday, but come Sunday, lunch time, we wandered in, since Valerie had conceded that might work. Brandon and I were met by Wolf and my friend Jeff, who will be mentioned prominently in the Shilshole Connection, and in addition is an all around great guy.

Lunch worked okay. I liked my fish and chips, and there were good things said by everyone else about their sandwiches. Less successful was the completely unremarkably flavored Bloody Mary I ordered, wanting a morning drink (although it was 1 pm). It was big, I'll give it that, but it lacked sweetness, spice or any distinguishing characteristics. Also, it was rather expensive. Even more disappointing was Brandon's Mimosa, which was just plain terrible, and pricey to boot.

So go there for lunch, but skip the drinks. Should we go back again at night to test the waters then? I fall back on the wise Valerie. "Fucking family style bar." I don't think I'll go back for a drink, no.

This begins the Shilshole Connection, an excellent series of bars brought to us (and you) with the generousity of my friend Jeff Ketchel, an upright fellow who offered to sponsor us for three bars we thought would be a bit pricey.

Hiram's was first. There's a nice big restaurant, a small bar area, and a deck outside that was sadly full, as the glorious evening sun was all around, and a deck seat would have been just about perfect. For this night, we're joined by Jeff and by Chris who was with us at Linda's and Bill's a few nights ago. Combined with Brandon, it's a great group, and as Jeff's girlfriend Kristin (sp?) will be joining us soon, it should get better.

Hiram's is a nice looking place. The booths are comfortable, the bar has lots of artfully rusted iron accents, there's a three leveled Lazy Susan of alcohol. The bar menu is small but tasty, and while I can't even think of oyster shooters, apparently they're very good. The drinks were fine, nothing remarkable, but in the spacious, attractive interior, it seems not to matter. The sun was shining, the bar was beautiful, and Gretchen our waitress was understanding about the quest. All was right with the world.

When we told her we needed the check, she just smiled and said she thought so, since there were a lot of bars out there. For all the Gretchens in the world, and this one in particular, we're grateful.

In addition, the drinks were reasonably priced, which was a surprise, cause it's a nice place, and you'd think you'd pay more for a drink. They also have nightly specials during the week, and happy hours, so going can only be to your advantage. Get a table on the deck, slurp some oysters and pound back a couple.

I think others had more problems with Ray's than I did. I should point out they were very, very full. So full there were multiple groups standing in the bar, so that space there was at a premium. With the five of us, as Kristin had now joined us, there was very little room. So we looked longingly out at the deck, where many tables were open, and where the sun was drifting down behind tattered clouds toward the snowy Olympics.

Okay, the view was incredible. So we would have wanted to sit out on the deck anyway, but that was where they had space. So we tried to get a seat, but there was some confusion, and we ended up getting a ticket that implied a 45 minute wait. We got drinks anyway, and drifted outside, where a host person told us we could just take a seat, since we didn't need a waitress. This is where the problem for some people may come in, cause there was seating confusion. But as the matter cleared up almost at once, it was no big deal.

The view was incredible, as I've mention. There was nothing at all blocking us from gazing into the west while sipping our drinks.

And such drinks.

My vodka-cranberry was on a 727 level. The bar, not the plane. It was that good. Combine that with the view, and I loved the place. We got no bar food, cause of the shortness of waitstaff that would have given us a 45 minute wait, but we did have a great visit.

Incredible drinks, reasonably priced, and such a view. For the summer, Ray's is definitely a great place to be.

Third of a great trio. The bar is sunken, and preserves much of the great view of next door at Ray's. There are many specials and such at many times of the day. We were in none of these, but we persevered anyway.

The drinks were pretty good. Strong, but not as tasty as Ray's. There were clams and muscles ordered, and they were apparently quite satisfactory, although I didn't like the flavor of the clam I had. With the Mariners on TV, the fading sun behind the distant mountains, and a last comfortable bar to relax in, the remainder of the night passed well.

Anthony's was good. The drinks were about the same price as Hiram's and Ray's, so that the whole night was much more affordable than I had thought it would be, which makes me happy, cause I didn't want to be too much of a mooch to Jeff. And we all had a good time, with three excellent bars, no bad drinks and some rather decent food to boot.

Anthony's has a late night happy hour Wednesday with $2.50 drink specials and free bar appetizers. I think I'll check it out sometime soon, just as a place to go to. I highly recommend it to one and all, as I do all the bars of the Shilshole Connection.

Short but sweet.

As we leave the Paragon, and begin the walk back to the cars some five or six blocks away, I note that Brandon has toilet paper stuck to the heel of his boot. Does this come of his obsessive desire to inspect the bathrooms of all the bars? Or is this an outgrowth of very strange bathroom incident I had, and a sign of further strangeness to come?

Who can say?

All I can say was, it was funny. TP on the heel is a great gag, any night of the week.

At this point, I will give much love to the Sponsors.

My brother Wolf, who picked up Brasserie Margaux and Hoyt's, thereby spreading out the joy of sponsorship.

Mr. Anonymous, for the Satellite and the Elysian Brewery. May it soon be safe to reveal your secret.

Jeff Ketchel, for the Shilshole Connection of Hiram's, Ray's and Anthony's. And what's more, he's promised another such night next month.

And to the future sponsors--Gwen, LeeAnne, Alan and Chris, who have agreed to sponsor at selected locales, and have thus already earned much praise.

Without all of you there'd be no way this could work. So to you all, my deepest thanks.

Finally, a last big thanks to the giver of the mad money. Nineteen bars to your credit, all unknowing.

We've been at this for just two and half weeks. Three more nights, and it's three full weeks. And in this time, we've lost all track of bars. If it wasn't for this page, we'd have no idea. We quiz each other: "Bar 17?" "Okay, Wildrose was 18, so it was the one right before that...uh, was it the Elysian?" And we have no sense of time in regards to the bars. We don't know how long we've been in, since you enter bar time the moment you cross the threshhold. There is no time in bars, no time except Last Call. And a greater sense of time is gone, too. With so many bars, going out doesn't mean anything. We almost have to say, The Other Night, because there's almost no connection to a particular night. Wednesday is a night to go out as much as Saturday. Even more, perhaps, because Wednesday is less crowded, and more likely to have drink specials. So each and every night becomes almost the same as any other. We don't go out Sunday nights, so that's special, I guess, but in the week, five or six nights are nights for going out.

So we're going to cut back a little, for three reasons. First, we've got a good start already. In three weeks, it looks like, we should have 50 bars. And we're out of mad money, so we can't afford quite as many bars a week. And we've gotten dissociated from normal time, already, so slowing down a bit can only help.

That's what's up so far, from my end.

Type: Restaurant
Class: Upscale

Hiram’s has almost everything you would like from a great place to have a drink. Hiram’s is on the edge of Shilshole and borders both the Ballard Locks and the park that houses the Locks. The space itself is a converted warehouse, but I would not have even noticed except that my friend pointed it out to me. Through the very nice woodwork and interesting teaked lamps I could see the painted industrial ceiling high up above us. Around us, all of booths and accent pieces were gorgeous. There is lots of metal work, usually in interesting and utilitarian pieces. This includes pieces like coat racks, light fixtures, and bar shelves. The coolest piece Hiram’s has though is a giant 3 tiered lazy susan of booze. Why have shelves when you can spin for the booze of your choice.

The drinks themselves were of decent quality, but for only $4 they were quite a deal. While Hiram’s lacked pure drinky perfection, the view, the exceptional décor, and Gretchen more than made it up for. Big ups to Gretchen who asked why I was taking notes and who I worked for. She liked our idea, and when she came to find out what else we wanted, had the check ready because, “You’ve got a mission.”

Jeff and I had Oyster shooters and Chris and Jason had Cheese Triangles. Both were excellent, but I especially liked their cocktail sauce. It was very sweet and flavorful, and great enhanced the Oysters. Looking up I noticed that Hiram’s has very nice Happy Hour specials. I recommend that you check them out, before coming to maximize your bar visit here.

Hiram’s well deserves the 4 Martini Glasses out of Five that I am awarding it.

-wOOt

Type: Restaurant
Class: Upscale

Ray’s Boat House is located down on the docks with a pure west facing view of the Sound. Outside, you always know when you are there because of the giant RAYS sign in red neon that sits on a 30’ high tower of girders. The parking lot outside of Rays is quite large, but when we got there, it was packed to bursting and the Valets were running around parking cars madly. I was a bit surprised at how busy it was at 7:00 on a Monday, but considering how beautiful the sunset looked from the deck, the mob of people there made a lot more sense. On a side note, the parking lot of Anthony’s right next door, while still well populated, had a lot more and would be a lot easier to park. My only complaint about Valet parking is that you always have to tip them, and this is an added expense that I would rather avoid usually. It is nice if you are trying to impress a date, but otherwise it is just kind of obnoxious.

Ray’s is styled as an upscale “boat house” which really just means that have stuffed fish and oars on the walls. It has a simple style and while not as elegant as a place like Hiram’s it is still nice. The downstairs is filled with a large dining area and the upstairs is split into a small bar area, a more casual dining room, and a large balcony with seating for about 40 people or so. There is not nearly enough space to stand in the bar area if all of the bar tables are taken, but if it is warm enough to go out on deck, that is fine.

When we got there, the place was packed. There was a little confusion over the reservation ticket we received and whether we could sit out on deck, but it was eventually taken care of and we made our way down to the far end of the deck and took over a large table. While it was a bit cold out on the deck, Jason grabbed one of the many blankets that Ray’s provided. It was here that we finally got to take a sip of our drinks.

The drinks at Ray’s are DAMN GOOD!!! My G&T had a great flavor to it. I can’t really compare it to the 727 because it was different flavor, but different in a good way. The main advantage the Ray’s G&T had over 727’s G&T is the $2.25 difference between them. For the money, the Ray’s G&T wins, but otherwise it is a close race. The vodka that used in Jason’s Cape Cod was exceptionally tasty as well.

Sitting on the porch, sipping a great G&T, looking at the sunset, and sitting with good friends, influences my decision to give Ray’s 4 and half Martini Glasses out of 5.

-wOOt

Type: Lounge
Class: Upscale

Anthony’s Homeport is a large brown building at the end of the commercial block in Shilshole. From the outside it does not have the visual appeal of Ray’s but I have heard nothing but good things people who have been here before. Inside, the building is spacious, with huge banquet rooms upstairs, a large dining area in the front of the building, and sizeable Lounge down the stairs that houses the bar. The décor is simple with a few “fish” motif items, but it is kept simple and tasteful. The most striking feature is the fish tank wall that separates the bar from the hallway leading to the dining room. It is filled with some beautiful fish, but the tank itself could stand a good cleaning.

I realize that Anthony’s is primarily a restaurant, but as the bar area is its own room, with its own mini dining area, and lots of standing room around the bar, I decided to classify it as a Lounge. Fortunately you can get the full menu here and Jeff was nice enough to order a Pounder (Mussels, Clams, and a Beer for $10) to share with the group. We love Jeff. The food was good (not the best we’ve ever had, but the Mussels had excellent flavor.) The drinks were decent, but once again, at $4 I wasn’t complaining.

The best time to come here is at happy hour (either 4-6pm or after 9:30) as the specials that they have are amazing. Most of the appetizers (including muscles, and whatnot) are almost half off, and after 9:30 they have a free appetizer buffet.

All in all, this is a great place to go for drinks and seafood, although I very much recommend that you time it to hit happy hour in order to maximize your bang for you buck. I give Anthony’s 4 Martini Glasses out of 5.

-wOOt

So tonight we are being treated to our first full-blown sponsorship. Jeff is taking us down to Shilshole and we are hitting all the places along the pier: Hiram’s, Ray’s, and Anthony’s. These are all very nice places, so we know that we are in a treat. I happy that they were not as expensive as we had feared, as this makes me feel a bit better about taking advantage of his sponsorship.

It started out as Jason, Chris, Jeff, and myself. We would later be joined by Kristin (sp?) who is Jeff’s Girl Friday. She is absolutely lovely. She is a great person and an excellent compliment to Jeff.

After driving down to Hiram’s we got a table in bar (having been denied the deck as there were only 2 person tables left.) While there Jeff and I ordered some Oyster Shooters, which Jason blanched at the thought of. There was the humorous moment when I said that Jeff should add some Tabasco to my shooter. I then asked, “How is it?” To which Jason replied, “If you have to ask then just give him a drop.” I thought that seemed a little mean, and the Tabasco wasn’t that, but I suppose I could see his point. Better to have too little then to be crying like a little girl.

Jeff also provided me something that I will find very useful in my upcoming articles, and that is the King Country Health Inspection records. They are all online and available for perusal. I have already used them to highlight why you shouldn’t eat at Von’s and will probably use it to illustrate further points like this in the future. But for the moment, I will reserve the wrath of the website for places I truly despise (besides I don’t want to know bad things about places I like. I like my illusions.)

After moving on to Rays there was some confusion over tables and seating. I went to the hostess to get a table, but we didn’t need a waitress as we were just getting drinks. This, in of itself caused some confusion. The rest of the group is huddled by the bar waiting to get their drinks and we can all see a number of open tables out on the deck. The hostess comes back and gives my slip, and says to give it to the bartender and then we can go out on the deck. Unfortunately, she also wrote a probably seating time on the slip, which seemed to indicate that we wouldn’t get a table for at least 45 minutes. Jason and I argued back and forth and finally I just gave up. He can be a bit of bitch when he thinks he is right. Problem is, he is right often enough, that it is a risky proposition to come out on top.

Once we had our drinks, we just made our way out onto the porch and tried to surreptitiously grab a table at the end. One of the waiters’s grabbed us, made sure we didn’t a waitress and then told us to sit where we liked. It is nice being right for a change. The sunset was gorgeous, and the wind was brisk but nice.

We ended our night at Anthony’s eating clams and mussels and watching the Mariner’s game. I don’t remember who we were playing, only that they were wearing red uniforms and looking all smug. I took my cursory look around the place and found a nice quiet corner upstairs in the banquet room to watch the final wisps of the sunset disappear before heading back down to the group. I always love those quiet moments, where there is nothing but me and nature. It is better to be on the beach on a sandy island while watching the sunset, but I suppose you take what you can get.

-wOOt

We took tonight off. It wasn’t that we didn’t have the time to go out. It wasn’t that we didn’t have the money to go out. For me, it was just that I didn’t have the will to go out. We have been moving at such a frantic pace that I just could not bring myself to see if Jason wanted to go out. The funny thing was, I was even at his house and we could have gotten up and gone at any time. I was happy to just sit on the couch and watch a little TV and not think about going out. It was like I had some time off from work.

This quest is very much more my job now, than work ever will be. Work may pay my bills, but this is way more work than my job ever will be. I doubt it will ever pay as well, but we all have to do something to pay our bills.

I understand that Jason has a much different feeling about our ‘Night Off’ but I’ll let him talk about that himself.

When it all comes down to it, I guess, is that while I am enjoying our quest, we turned going out into work. It may be work that we enjoy, but it is still work. I find that thought just a little bit disturbing.

-wOOt

Totally casual, yet also classy.

Louie's is a Chinese restaurant with attached bar. The food here is pretty good, as I know from eating here, but I've never before taken the left hand turn into the bar. Which is too bad, cause it's a nice place.

There's big tropical chairs, like you'd see at some resort or in a movie. There's a fake fire. There's a lot of mirrors, and oddly placed windows that provide a view of the street, not the most enlightening thing, but still, thye look kind of nice and must let in a lot of light at about sunset.

It's dim and kind of styling, in a south seas sort of way.

The drinks are pretty strong and pretty cheap. And Frank the bartender is pleasant and knows his tech toys. He brings his Playstation with attached screen in with him for the slow times. And he can recommend a digital camera.

Plus, you can get the full dinner menu until rather late, and appetizers are half price during the 4-6 happy hour.

A pretty fun place, really. Back bars in Chinese restaurants are starting to gain in my overall ratings.

Another small place, like the Pacific Inn, and like the Pacific Inn, it's pretty much a treasure.

While it's bigger than you might think if you include the restaurant portion, the bar is actually rather small. There's a pool table, the bar itself, and a couple of tables. There's a golf game, and more importantly, a 30-odd year old pinball game, which I will return and gain my revenge on for sliding ball after ball through the flippers.

But I digress.

The bartender didn't stop her pour until even the greediest of drunks would have been satisfied. My vodka cran was a blushing pink, and I could definitely tell that while Louie's had treated me right, the Lockspot was going to treat me wrong, but I would like it.

There's a pre-Raphaelite painting on the wall between the bathrooms, which are marked with stick-figure boy and girl emblems fully six feet tall. For those who might still be confused, there are also red plaques above the doors labelled appropriately.

The crowd was eclectic, from an old rummy at the bar to the cute couple of girls at the table beside us; and from the somewhat drunken guy who thought Brandon was a DJ for KJR to the young group playing pool slowly and not very well. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, as is proper at a bar.

Another little gem, but it's not on the beaten path, and I'm guessing as far out as it is (almost to the Ballard Locks on Seaview Ave.) it gets far less business than it deserves.

Correct that, everyone. Go here, right after you hit the Pacific Inn.

Tonight was once again our weekly gathering of friends over at Jason’s house. It went better this week, but really I am very much looking forward to when we able to put this project to bed. It will make me very happy. Anyhow, Jason, Sean and I went out. We figured it would be a quick night. Hit a couple of places and be done.

We started at Louie’s Cuisine of China. They have great Chinese food there. You can even get real Crab Rangoons. Now real Crab Rangoons are not what you want to eat when you are drunk, as the combination of cream cheese and fresh crab won’t sit well, but for dinner they are excellent. We have seen the Lounge, having walked past it, each time we got food.

Grabbing a booth in the back, we could see the bar and the entire lounge. Now this really wasn’t that exciting as it was mostly empty. Sean did notice though, the Playstation with the 5” screen behind the bar. We wondered if that was for the bartender, or if they allowed patrons to play.

Eventually we struck up a conversation with Frank, the bartender. He said that he had the Playstation here because his kids wouldn’t let him take the PS2 or the Xbox. Apparently, he can play 18 holes of golf in 45 minutes, which is probably about how much down time you get when things are slow. We asked him about how busy it got and he was saying that April is always slow because of tax season, but that the year had been a rough one. He is hoping, that things will pick back up after the 15th. We were happy to hear that the crowd is actually in their 20s once you get into the later evening on the weekends. We may have to come and check it out.

After Louie’s, we went to the LockSpot. Now talk about a place that has Dive written all over it. Imagine our surprise when it turned out to be quite nice and homey and not at all grungy or questionable. Oh, did I mention the sign outside that says, “WOW! Check out our new ATM.” It was a nice ATM. All white and clean. I know that is not much of description, but what the fuck do you expect me to say about an ATM. If I can get money out of it and not contract a skin rash, I consider it worthy of a WOW.

As I was checking out the bar, I walked past a guy sitting at the bar, talking with a woman. He was obviously quite plowed. He says to me, “Hey Softy!” He is obviously talking to me. “Who?” I reply. “Softy!. Aren’t you Softy from KJR?” “Uh, no. But good to meet you, I’m Brandon.” He slurred his name at me briefly. I could tell that this was going nowhere fast and bailed. So much for meeting the locals. Now you tell me, but do I look like this Softy guy?

We sat at one of their two bar tables by a pair of girls who obviously dissatisfied with their current relationships. But when they are drinking, smoking, and bashing on their men, which is not the time to try to make a move. That is, not unless you are looking to get kicked in the nads. Instead Jason and I played classic Pinball. Yeah, classic pinball! Sure they eat your quarters fast, but it is incredibly novel to score 10 points for hitting a bumper. Most pinball games now suffer from serious inflation, and for no good reason. I mean, earning 10,000 points for hitting a bumped. Get real. A return to a realistic scoring system is what we need to set everything right. Don’t you think?

-wOOt

Type: Lounge
Class: Mid-Scale

I have been to Louie’s Cuisine several times before for food (Chinese of course.) Thus I knew that if the quality of their lounge was anything like the quality of their restaurant, I knew I was going to be happy. From the outside Louie’s is a large brown building that just seems to blend into it’s surrounding. This is in despite of the fact that it actually looks quite different from everything around it. In the American Chinese Food Tradition (so it would seem) they have a large heavy wooden door out front that lends the place a kind of weighty feel that makes you want to like the place.

Inside, the decorations are a strange, but nice, mix of the “traditional” Chinese, and Seattle Americana. Everywhere you look, there are large high-backed chairs (brown, not white) that just make you want to plot a take over of a government, do a hit on a rival drug lord, or go out and fight some super heroes. Unfortunately, not every table has these chairs, and most only have 2, so someone gets left out. One of these days, I am going to reserve a table with 4 of those chairs. But I digress.

The Lounge area itself is comfortable looking. It has a nicely appointed seating area, a mid-size bar, and a small raised platform with about four tables. There is some baseball memorabilia on the walls and a couple of other knickknacks. Overhead there are several ceiling fans, which probably really help during the summer to keep the place cool.

Frank, behind the bar, is a great guy. He mixes with a strong pour, which is great when the drink are about $3.25 and it wasn’t even happy hour. He said that we could get a full menu in the bar, Crab Rangoons (appetizers) till close, and that they were half price from 4 to 6 for happy hour. I must say that I love the fact that Seattle has a happy hour, unlike in Massachusetts where it is illegal to have happy hour on drink prices.

The only downside to Louie’s for most people is its location. Being out in Ballard it seems like it is too far away, but to them, I will simply say, you are wrong. It is located on a convenient main drag, has ample parking (usually) great food, and strong drinks. They even have psychic some nights. I secretly believe that they also run illegal Maj jong tournaments in the hidden downstairs, but really that it is just the part of me that watches too many Yakuza movies.

With all of this being said, I give Louie’s 4 and half Martini Glasses out of 5.

-wOOt

Type: Neighborhood Bar
Class: Average

The LockSpot Café is not the type of place that you would normally go into on a whim. From the outside, it looks like a total dive. This is highlighted by the movie marquee style sign that reads, “Two Happy Hours Everyday” on one side, and “WOW. Check out our new ATM” on the other. How can you take a place like that seriously? Well, as it turns out, you should.

When you drive up to park, there are four spaces out front, poorly designed, but serviceable. I was parked at such an angle, that if it wasn’t midnight when we left, I would surely end up t-boned by an oncoming car out of Shilshole. But really, who comes out of Shilshole at Midnight. No one leaves there till 2 when Ray’s and Anthony’s kicks them out.

Walking through the door, we were expecting to see salty dockworkers, or rough blue-collar types. Instead, what we found was a nice café space, with small but serviceable bar area, a pool table surrounded by several very good-looking women, and a classic pinball machine. It was actually very nice here.

The bartender mixes drinks with a strong pour. Now when I say a strong pour, I mean that she pretends the Gin is going to be on the Howard Stern Show (TV), and the Tonic is there so the Gin won’t be naked, but not by much. Jason’s Cape Cod was, well, pink. I’ve never seen a pink Cape Cod before, but I didn’t hear him complaining.

I have no idea how the food is here but since the LockSpot has a happy hours from 4PM to 7PM and Midnight to Close (2AM), it easily has the most attractive Happy Hours around. Sure it is not as plentiful as the Rickshaw’s 9 hours of happy hour per day, but the times are well placed.

I give the LockSpot 3 and a half Martini Glasses out of 5

-wOOt

I don't know if I'll make it through the whole night. 5 bars, taking us to the big number, but I'll give it a shot.

Happy hour from 5-9 pm Monday through Friday. What more really needs to be said? Well, first off, the $2 menu--wells, beer on tap, mini-pizzas, cheeseburgers and wings. The drinks aren't $2 cheap either. At twice that, I might have thought they were a bit light, but for 2 bucks, who can complain? And the mini-pizza was tasty, and easily worth the money. The seven dollars they normally wanted for it (if the menu item was the same size) was a bit more questionable. Okay, it wouldn't have worked at all.

The decor was interesting. Red velvet, a lot of mirrors, a lot of wood. There's an Italian restaurant across the bar. Literally across the bar. You keep thinking there's a mirror, but really, it's just that there's another bar set up on the other side. A similarly full, and very extensive, bar. The staff was small but fully capable, and they had time to deal with the reasonably large bar crowd, the smallish restaurant crowd, the guy who I think must have some share in the place, and the annoying two guys at the bar (us.)

We got out lightly fed and lightly toasted for 15 bucks. You can't beat that. So while I don't